Unaware - An Original Song

A friend of mine asked me in an eMail what this song was about. The posting below is the long-winded reply I gave him.

'Unaware' is a deeply personal song to me. I used to tear up when I performed it, I had a hard time recording it too. It's okay now. The song is actually about my friend Todd (no kidding). He was diagnosed with HIV in the late 80s (supposedly he was one of the first people diagnosed). He was a facilitator in a youth group I used to go to where GLBTQ kids could discuss their lives and do activities together. Part of that 3 hour meeting was an hour long segment we called "Small Group" where we all separated into (you guessed it) smaller groups, usually of three to five people plus one of the adult facilitators. We would use the time to discuss our personal lives, families, and other issues. It was like a check-in session, really.

One night in small group, I was in Todd's group. It was a very small group, 2 youths and one facilitator. So the two kids decided to ask Todd what was going on in his life. Since there was a strong group culture claiming that anything that is said or heard in small group stays in small group (it's almost like Vegas), he told us his story. I'm repeating it here because I don't think he would mind.

Todd opened up to us. We already knew he had progressed into AIDS a few years previous. He went on to say that when he was diagnosed, a lot of his friends were also diagnosed at the same time. He was always curious as to why he was still alive a whole decade after the last of his friends had succombed to the disease. It was something he had a hard time dealing with.

While we were attending the youth group, outside contact with any of the facilitators was strictly forbidden. Once I had "aged out" (turned 21) I made it a point to keep Todd in my life. He told me once that his friends and family had promised to always be with him until the very end. However, as he got more and more ill, we both watched his friends and family grow distant. It broke my heart that this was happening to him. I tried to be there as much as I could.

I thought a lot about Todd's situation. He slowly grew more and more ill. One day while I was bored at work, I wrote the lyrics to 'Unaware'. A few weeks later I sat down at the piano and that song just came out of nowhere.

Todd passed away shortly thereafter. He never got to hear the song.

I was asked to perform at Denver Pride that year. I hadn't planned on singing 'Unaware' as the song wasn't quite finished. However, I came up short on time and they asked me to keep going. So out of the blue and mostly from memory, I performed a very shaky version of 'Unaware'. It was incredibly unpolished and I wasn't very happy with it. However, when I was done with it, there was complete silence from the audience. Then, the crowd went crazy. The emcees were all crying, the audience was crying, and I was getting pretty close.



The next year at Pride, I performed the version you hear here, as polished as I could make it with the means I had. I know Todd has heard it, wherever he is. I hope he likes it. I figure the crowds always love it, I'm sure Todd does too.

So that's my story about 'Unaware'.

Download: Unaware (Demo).mp3 4.48MB